i'm building a body where our design has failed

balsamandash @ 2018-09-24T16:41:00

2018-09-24T21:41:54Z

As I slowly wriggle things over there, reminder that I am now at fullupwithfire for anybody who missed it the firs ttime. <3

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New Journal

2018-09-16T01:52:12Z

I mentioned about two weeks ago that I was thinking of starting a new journal when we move. And the moving is commencing in two days, and I managed to find a name to switch to that I like, so I will be moving over after all. Our internet isn't getting turned on til Thursday, so I may not be around much until then, and I probably won't finish the setting up and adding people til then. I may make a post or two between now and leaving Monday, though, and we'll see -- if I'm online tomorrow that might change.

(Anything else you have me on as balsamandash -- like Discord -- is staying the same right now, and I think Pillowfort will continue to be ifimightchime for the time being. I usually like to have most of my things match, but, I don't know, I'm kind of feeling spreading out for a little while? We'll see if that changes, but for right now, I feel good about it.)

So, if you want to continue following, feel free to add me over at fullupwithfire

Love to all of you <3

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Pillowfort?

2018-09-09T01:04:40Z

If anybody is still giving this a go, I finally got around to using my beta code and making the thing, so feel free to come follow. I am gonna try and remember who's on there and hunt people down later, but we'll see how my memory works.

(Name is subject to change and I will update link if it does. On the other hand if I feel comfortable with it in a few days, it may be what I switch over to with DW in like a week, we'll see. If not, I'm gonna try and find something else.)

Now to try and do the Tarot thing for a bit.

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Holy fucking shit it's happening.

2018-09-01T17:53:18Z

(Tarot will happen later/tomorrow, but.)

WE HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE.

It's not ready til the 17th but IT IS OURS.

I could cry in relief and joy.

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Two-Card Tarot Draws

2018-08-29T22:39:59Z

I've been sort of not doing anything for a while now, and while there's reasons for that, it's beginning to eat at me. I may try and put up a post for prompts at some point, but for now, have a Tarot post, since it's been a while. Fair warning: My responses may be slow -- I will try and get to anything posted by the end of next weekend at latest, to give you an idea how slow -- so you may not want to ask about anything super time-sensitive.

So: Comment and receive a two-card reading. Why two cards? Because honestly, interpreting based on some kind of rough spread is easier on me than interpreting one standalone card. If you really have your heart set on a single card, though, I can do one-cards too, just let me know. I can choose the deck or you can; I can do a specific option you'd like for the spread (see below) or figure out what's best myself; I can go general or you can pick a focus/question. I am happy to PM you if you'd like to receive your reading privately instead of publicly; let me know, because the default will be public. (You can also PM me if you'd rather not ask or reveal details publicly.)

All readings are free this time around, and I am not offering options for extra cards or paid readings right now. (Though if you really want to tip, you can go through my partner's paypal into our moving fund. Also, feel free to signal boost if you'd like.) Also, some background, if you're new or unaware of it: I have sixteen years of experience with the Tarot, and I've read frequently for people over the internet, both professionally and for fun, especially in the last five years or so.

( Decks )

( Two-Card Spreads )

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After one long season of waiting, after one long season of wanting

2018-08-25T00:49:07Z

So, uh, hey, I'm still alive.

We are still living with my family, and my grandmother has been treating us and especially brightandravenous worse and worse, so we ended up moving our shit into my brother's room and basically hiding there for the last... month or so. Which has probably been better for us than not, but it's hard to do computer stuff in there, so I haven't really been online at all except for things that absolutely had to be done.

But we are contacting realtors and may have found a few serious contenders for apartments -- most of them aren't available til the first week of September, but hey, we can survive til then. And I don't have a job yet, but I do have plans for if I haven't managed anything once we move. So it could be worse. This state of limbo isn't a lot of fun to live in, but hey, I think we're almost through it.

Things I have been out-of-contact through include my birthday, a host of shit re: my mother's divorce and her ex being an asshole, and Bast and I coming up with entirely new verses/stories to play with that briefly ate our brain and probably will again when we come out of hiding. Also the periodic reigniting of my desire for tabletop being stoked by the game store 10 minutes down the road having a D&D night that I still haven't gotten the courage to go to. Probably other things too, but I am kind of out of steam and I need to go email realtors, so that's all I got.

Love you all, even if I've been dead quiet and bad at showing it. <3

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balsamandash @ 2018-06-12T10:59:00

2018-06-12T15:59:28Z

Well, I get to go to the doctors with my grandmother today. That's gonna be... something. Things have not been terrible -- I really need someone to kick me into high gear about finding a job but god, the busses here are hard to figure out and that's screwing me up -- but today is not my favorite day.

Other than that I got nothing. I have been doing some editing, bits of Overwatch when I can, and I started Magnus Archives, which I love. So. I could be doing a lot more and I'm occasionally uncomfortable aware of it, but it could be worse.

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Success!

2018-05-28T15:31:50Z

We are in TN!

I'm exhausted even though I basically slept from 5 yesterday til around 9 this morning, it's incredibly hot in my mother's house because my grandmother freezes if the air is on, and we still have pod unpacking, job searching, and apartment huntign to worry about after another day or two of recovery, but WE MADE IT OUT.

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balsamandash @ 2018-05-25T09:19:00

2018-05-25T13:20:02Z

All our stuff is packed and in the pods to go ahead to TN for us. We clean today and tomorrow, my mother gets here at some point tonight, and we leave Florida on Saturday night.

...I am somehow both unbelievably nervous, and still in the state where it hasn't actually sunk in that we're moving at all.

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balsamandash @ 2018-04-29T18:29:00

2018-04-29T22:29:11Z

So my brain was consumed by helping my grandmother move and by Further Family Drama. (God, the Family Drama goes on forever, although at least now it's not like... a new thing every few days, it's a new thing every couple of weeks.)

Now my brain is kind of eaten by slowly sliding into Moving Mode and Holy Crap All The Shit That Needs Doing After Moving Mode.

(Oh yeah, did I mention we're moving to Tennessee at the end of the month? I honestly can't remember.)

And I'm barely online lately, time is kind of split between Do All The Things and Lay Around Watching Television All The Time, and... yeah. So if I'm just not very talkative for a while, I'm sorry, my brain is mush.

(And I was supposed to do readathon yesterday, but mush brain means that did not happen at all. Ah well. Maybe October. Depending on how things are.)
(I'm sure there's other stuff I've been meaning to do but I just. Ugh. What is thinking straight, I just don't know.)

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balsamandash @ 2018-04-02T16:12:00

2018-04-02T20:12:55Z

I do not really have the brain for posting, but I am still alive and okay, and I will try and talk more later.

And things are gonna get busy soon, so that may or may not work, but we'll see.

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Chocolate Box roundup and return to computer-land.

2018-02-24T21:47:04Z

I am back from the Week of Exhaustion. Actually, I've been back for two days, but I was in so much pain, and my computer's been questionable, so I haven't really been around. I am on today, though, and I have a couple of readings to get to and a lot of work to do in the next week and all sorts of things I want to do, so we'll see, but hopefully productivity is achievable.

Anyway, Chocolate Box author reveals happened right in the middle of me being offline, so here is the four fics I wrote:

( Four MCU fics for four different pairings, ranging from entirely to slightly AU. )

( And some brief thoughts. )

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Lupercalia fic!

2018-02-15T23:11:11Z

the sky's always falling somewhere (sometimes it's just your turn) (4107 words) by apatternedfever
Fandom: Agent Carter (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Relationships: Michael Carter & Peggy Carter
Characters: Peggy Carter
Additional Tags: Psychic Wolves, Grief/Mourning, Losing a sibling, Canonical Character Death, Pre-Canon
Summary:

Bonding young is unusual. Women with wolves are unusual. Human siblings bonded to litter-mates are unusual. And a person with two wolves is unheard of.

Peggy just keeps finding new ways to surprise people.

I got a thing posted! I am proud of me, even if it's nowhere near the amount of story I had in mind.

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Chocolate box!

2018-02-15T06:04:32Z

So Chocolate Box fics have been revealed, and I am thrilled with what I got. Somebody wrote me MCU fic with Gamora and Jane soul bond as an after effect of infinity stones for my main gift, which is just lovely and sweet and fantastic; and I got a HP treat with Lily and Remus during the First War that is also incredibly sweet and makes me flail.

I do not have brain power to properly do the whole AO3 header-y link stuff but I am so, so pleased.

Also pleasing? I wrote four goddamn stories for the exchange, my main assignment and three treats. In total, I got just about 10.5k written in a week for the exchange; some of that was false starts and scenes that didn't actually make it to posting, but man, that is a way better total than I ever expected to get.

If anybody feels like playing "guess the author" in the collection, feel free to guess which might be mine. I can try and write drabbles for anybody who gets it right. (Although I kind of feel like I'm horribly obvious in what I wrote, but, eh. XD)

In other news, I am currently at my mother's for The Week Of Doom. We pack for the next four days, then we clean for three, and then they're officially off and moving while I go home and sleep for a day, probably. So if I'm kind of quiet for the next week, that would be why.

I am hoping to shape up the fic for the Psychic Wolves For Lupercalia fest and post it, though, either before I go fall over tonight or tomorrow morning. It's not nearly as much as I'd hoped to get done and I have no idea how long it'll take me to get everything written for this story that I have in mind, but I'm hoping if I get the first part up during the fest I can convince myself to continue writing and posting it after.

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Ask me anything, and I'll help you find your way

2018-02-04T04:34:29Z

Meme time again I guess? Stolen from a couple of people, because why not.

The problem with LJ/DW: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your journal and find out what people don't know about you.

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Meme time, I guess

2018-01-20T01:17:19Z

I've actually been kind of awful at reading more than the first post or two on my list for the past few days, whoops. I'm trying to catch up but it's kind of overwhelming, so I may just go forward from here. ><

But while attempting to catch up I ran into a meme, so why not. Stolen from forests_of_fire and ng_moonmoth.

( Four things. )

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Snowflake 2018: Day 13

2018-01-14T05:31:38Z

Yeah, I'm still behind. *facepalms* I'm working on it? Anyway.

Day 13: In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private.

I've been meaning to do this for myself, but it's really hard, not to come up with goals but to keep them reasonable. I end up wanting to cram every tiny thing I'd want to do in the next year onto the list, and... I don't know, maybe if my circumstances and mental health could stay in an ideal place, that'd actually work, but they don't, and it just screws me, because it feels so impossible to succeed that there's no point in starting.

So, let me try to make this without going overboard.

( Goals? )

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Snowflake 2018: Day 9

2018-01-11T21:15:39Z

Day 9: In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator.

I didn't create a whole lot in the last couple of years, and most things I could think of that are recent I recced in the last two times I did this, so this year I'm going with "older things that haven't gotten a lot of attention and which I'm still fairly proud of". Which is long-winded and also kind of hard for me, because I can see the flaws in my writing way more than the good things, but, here goes.

Fair warning: The Newsflesh one is hard to mention at all without spoilers, though only through book 1, so if you're stringently avoiding, uh, don't even read the notes.

( All fics; Sanctuary, Hunger Games, Newsflesh, Firefly )

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Snowflake 2018: Day 8

2018-01-11T19:03:04Z

I am once again behind on both days and comments, so today is catch up. Doing things around taking care of offline stuff, which is why the separate posts, more than any worry of length.

Day 8: In your own space, share a favorite piece of original canon (a TV episode, a song, a favorite interview, a book, a scene from a movie, etc) and explain why you love it so much.

I've mentioned before that while I love the show Sanctuary, I'm really in it for The Five Show, and not for the modern-day team (though I do love Henry). Then the show went ahead and actually gave me a proper episode of The Five Show.

Normandy is basically my happy place.

( Some rambling attempts at explanation below the cut. )

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Snowflake 2018: Day 7

2018-01-07T18:36:38Z

Day 7: In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. Surf the comments and find people to give love to.

I skipped day 5, because I could think of nothing, and I need to do day 6, because yesterday was long and busy, but I wasn't going to do a post for that anyway, so here we are.

I am so awkward with this one, because first of all, asking for love is hard, and I'm so bad at doing anything that's supposed to be open to people to respond; I ramble awkwardly and get weird and I think I scare people off or something, or maybe just my habit of failure at interaction scares people off, or... I don't know. Whatever. Interacting is hard, basically. And then I forget to comment to other people's things, even though I want to, until it's so late I get awkward doing it, and... yeah.

I am trying to work on being less of an awful commenter in both Dreamwidth in general and creative stuff this year, but we'll see. I'm already behind on comment responding for this year, which, please forgive me if I haven't said something to you this week, it's kind of been A Week at points. *facepalm*

Anyway. I'm doing that ramble awfully thing again, so let me cut it off here and say if you give people love, you're awesome, and if you want to give me love in any form, I am always so, so grateful to people who do that, whether or not I remember to say so in a timely fashion.

*flings the post at Dreamwidth and runs flailing away*

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I cannot believe this exists. My inner child cannot believe this exists.

2018-01-07T13:11:55Z

Were I a person with money to spare, I could be realizing my dream of actual Fox and the Hound merchandise right now.

As it is, I'm just gonna stare at this and this and make sad wanting noises. I could be cuddling my favorite Disney movie by next week. Dammit, money.

(THERE ARE ALSO PEGASUS PLUSHES. I have wanted to cuddle all three of these for years. Why couldn't Disney have finally caved in and produced these things like ten years ago when I could have gotten them as souvenirs.)

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Dear Chocolatier

2018-01-05T03:46:29Z

Dear awesome person,

( Letter )

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Snowflake Challenge: Day 4

2018-01-04T23:37:07Z

In your own space, create a fannish wishlist. No limits on size or type of fanwork; just tell us what you’d like to see. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. And if you grant a wish, do the same thing!

( Below the cut. )

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Snowflake 2018: Day 3

2018-01-04T22:33:18Z

Day 3: In your own space, post recs for at least three fanworks that you did not create.

This is my favorite day. I really like reccing shit, okay. Which is why I constantly go overboard. *shrugs*

The theme is Vids With Under 2,000 Plays/Views. Because why not. I meant to write commentary on them, but 1) it's getting late in the day and I want to get to day 4 today too, and 2) they'd all just be incoherent squeeing, honestly. XD

( 11 Vids: MCU (general and Agent Carter-specific), Hannibal, Leverage, Sanctuary. )

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Snowflake 2018: Days 1 & 2

2018-01-03T20:53:52Z

Brain is still off-kilter but I really don't want to miss participating in Snowflake this year. Hoping I can actually make it to the end for once even! So here's the last two days and I will try and do day 3 tonight or tomorrow. (I like reccing shit anyway so day 3 excites me enough to probably go back to it. XD)

Day 1: In your own space, talk about why you're participating in Snowflake and, if you’ve participated in the past, how the challenge has affected you. What drew you to it? What did you take away from it? What do you hope to accomplish this year?

( Brief, but to keep this post from getting ridiculously long. )

Day 2: In your own space, share a favorite memory about fandom: the first time you got into fandom, the last time a fanwork touched your heart, crazy times with fellow fans (whether on-line or off-line), a lovely comment you’ve received or have left for someone.

( Things! )

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