(no subject)

I have no costume even though work allows us to wear costumes, because I just don't have the fucking energy to figure one out; I may or may not even get my beef stew in lieu of an actual Samhain celebration, because I just don't have the fucking energy to go to my family's and not break down crying when I have to leave; and I'm pretty much skipping NaNo entirely for the first time in eleven years, because I don't have the fucking energy to write no matter how much skipping it makes me want to be sick.

Happy fucking holiday, can it please be over already so I can stop thinking about how much this year's sucks and maybe don't start screaming at work?

EDIT: Someone please remind me that not doing NaNo is the smart, rational, adult thing to do this year, and trying to cram planning into it in the rest of this day, half of which I have to sleep during, is a stupid, ridiculous idea. Because yes, the sheer fact that I am skipping all of this is possibly going to make me cry for the next week ro two, but I'm pretty sure trying will give me a nervous breakdown, so I should really, really not try.

I just. Really hate that I'm not doing. Oh god do I hate that I'm not doing it. And maybe if I was doing the holiday or at least a fucking costume I could balance that out, but right now I just... hate everything, so, so much..

Well, that was fun.

My night so far:
> Slept through my alarms, woke up at 7:15
> Got on the bus to parents at 7:45
> Started crying before I got off the bus
> Stopped crying for about twenty minutes, long enough to eat
> Started crying again, hard enough that my parents convinced me to call out, because I'm pretty sure I'd have just ended up sobbing through my shift if I didn't

So, yeah. Guess who's not working tonight after all?

I am at parents, stealing my mother's computer while she watches horror movies. I still kind of feel like crying and like I went through the wringer, but I calmed down some and watching Midnight Hour distracted me.

I still want to hit things over NaNo, I still feel like I'm mostly missing my holiday, but I don't think I'm going on another two-hour crying jag, so.