i'm building a body where our design has failed

Brains are still a fucking mess, and I want to not be in this apartment with my grandmother judging me so badly that it's almost kind of nice to be spending twelve hours out of the house at Walmart. Almost being the key word there. At the moment it's all sort of transposed into this exhausted apathetic calm, but I don't think it'll stay that way much longer.

I am kind of brainstorming story things while I work, at least. More of it fanfic than it ought to be, but still. People should toss me characters on my last post so I have more things to brainstorm. Thinking about writing stuff is all that's keeping me from having breakdowns at work right now. Writing stuff and singing along to the music.

Which, on a completely unrelated note except this is storyboarding itself in my head every night when the song comes up, someone better at ferreting out fanvids than I am, please tell me there exists an MCU fanvid to People Like Us.

I'm gonna go sleep now. Four more nights and then I can at least go collapse the one place I actually want to be.

I am so in love with vidding as an art form.

Just. Holy crap, the things you can do with it, the things you can evoke. The exhilaration of watching a vid that really knows how to work its music and its beats is like watching a really great play. The ways that structure, that the layer of a certain shot over a certain word or line or bit of music can say something in two seconds that you'd need an entire rambling fic to get out. (And the difference between a vid meant for people with no context, or where the context doesn't matter, and one where it's very clearly meant for people who know the context, or means something entirely different for someone who knows the context, because then you really understand the pairing of that shot and that line.)

I love it, I love it so much, and I am not coherent or intelligent enough to talk about it the way I want, to explain the why of how it echoes with me, but god do I love it.

(and one day I will have a decent computer and I will go back to making mediocre vids in the hopes that one day i learn to make a good one. Because I want to be able to do this, and do it right.)

I'm going to go back to watching them, lest this end up turning into A) an even less coherent ramble or B) a vid rec post. I just. Yeah. Vids. They are fucking amazing.

ETA: An hour later I am sitting here trying not to cry because I will probably never go to Vividcon. Also because sad vids. I am getting waaaaay too emotional over vids today. I can't tell if this is subliminating my depression into something else or what.

(But no seriously I would give an arm to go to Vividcon.)

ETA2: Someone should make me stop planning vids before I get frustrated with my inability to make them. (Someone should also make me stop listening to Seamstress.)