balsamandash: Peggy Carter (Agent Carter) running in profile (mcu] a moving target's hard to hit)
Day 7: In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. Surf the comments and find people to give love to.

I skipped day 5, because I could think of nothing, and I need to do day 6, because yesterday was long and busy, but I wasn't going to do a post for that anyway, so here we are.

I am so awkward with this one, because first of all, asking for love is hard, and I'm so bad at doing anything that's supposed to be open to people to respond; I ramble awkwardly and get weird and I think I scare people off or something, or maybe just my habit of failure at interaction scares people off, or... I don't know. Whatever. Interacting is hard, basically. And then I forget to comment to other people's things, even though I want to, until it's so late I get awkward doing it, and... yeah.

I am trying to work on being less of an awful commenter in both Dreamwidth in general and creative stuff this year, but we'll see. I'm already behind on comment responding for this year, which, please forgive me if I haven't said something to you this week, it's kind of been A Week at points. *facepalm*

Anyway. I'm doing that ramble awfully thing again, so let me cut it off here and say if you give people love, you're awesome, and if you want to give me love in any form, I am always so, so grateful to people who do that, whether or not I remember to say so in a timely fashion.

*flings the post at Dreamwidth and runs flailing away*
balsamandash: Gillian Owens (Practical Magic) looking down, seeming upset (pm] she'll hang on like hell)
There's a love meme going on; I have a thread, if anyone wants to leave love.

I am trying to find my brain and do things. It is... not working very well. Brains want to go downhill, but I'm trying to keep afloat. There are many things to do this week, so we'll see how it works.

I will Tarot tomorrow. It's a weird night.
balsamandash: quote:"I am a reformed vampire, which is to say, I am a bundle of repressed instincts held together by spit and coffee." (book] reformed vampire)
1. Money is fucking awful.

2. The ever-wonderful [personal profile] kaberett is hosting a love meme. My thread is here. Everybody should go get love for themselves, too.

3. Let me join the offers of good things: Give me something it would make you feel good to read and I'll write you a short thing. Could be fluff; could be poking a bigot in the eye; whatever kind of things gives you a little bit of happy right now. We all kind of need it, I think.
balsamandash: James Watson (Sanctuary) with his support machine exposed, fiddling with it (san] what is it that runs through you?)
1. I am still alive; I am working away; content editing on my mother's book is underway tonight, and hopefully we're on the fast track to being done, me getting paid, and putting it out. I am at parents for the next couple of days, though, which is less than ideal, but, eh.

2. I have obviously not started OC-tober-ing. I still kind of want to ramble about something writing-related. We'll see what comes of that, if anything.

3. I am currently kind of hooked on Let's Plays, mostly of cooperative games. On the one hand, this is good background noise right now. On the other, damn does it bring back the desire to play a lot of games I can't do because I need people for them. I'm kind of hoping when I can get more into the swing of planning tabletop it takes away some of that feeling, because it makes my brain go kinda weird at times. (Not enough to stop though, so if you happen to have any LPer recs, drop them at me? I don't do horror games, end of story, but I'm pretty open beyond that.)

4. There is a love meme going:
October Love Meme hosted by [personal profile] alexseanchai: my thread
I could kind of use it right now, if anyone's got kind words to spare.

5. Aaand lastly, I am slowly but steadily setting up my phone, so if you happen to have my number - it's the same one, but I lost all my contacts, so if you can text me with who you are, I'd really appreciate it. If you didn't have my number, and you want it, poke me.
balsamandash: Prudence (Across the Universe) biting her thumb and looking off to the side (film] it's beautiful and so are you)
I'm a little late here, but it's been a super rough couple of days for various reasons, so: I could use love. Have a love meme link.
August Love Meme hosted by [personal profile] alexseanchai: my thread


My mother is coming to pick me up shortly, and I'm going to be heading over there to discuss working with her and setting up my own tarot-selling page on her site. Which means when I come back, I (1) get to seriously work on organization, and (2) get to try and figure out if this working from home thing is a real option or not.

Should be fun. And by fun I mean anxious, but what are you gonna do.
balsamandash: (news] we've counted the cost)
♥♥♥ U R AWESOME: A LOVE MEME ♥♥♥  // my thread


I did not actually realize how many usernames I was under now until I wrote that out. Been debating switching AIM & plurk over to either balsamandash or builttobalance but we'll see if I ever get around to it.

I am still not reading like I should. I am still just... tired. There's so many things I want to do. So many things I should do. But I'm so tired. Maybe when the current ear infection goes I'll be a little better, but I just don't know.

edit because apparently I have slightly more to say than that:
You know what I miss this week? Writing, tarot, and chat (especially IRC) RP.
You know what I can do about that in my current state of I-refuse-to-call-this-a-depression-episode-but-it's-probably-a-depression-episode? Absolutely goddamn nothing.

I do need to see if I can scrape finances together to get a proper tarot reading because I... kind of want one? And have nothing resembling the focus or brainpower to do one for myself? But I'm super broke right now and combine that with other stuff going on and I feel like it's not going to happen. Ugh. Which is fine, I don't need one, but it's annoying.

I also have no idea where any of my tarot decks are.

Also I cannot remember the last time I wrote and it's starting to make me feel sick. But every attempt just feels... stupid? Writing feels like a stupid endeavour. Like wasting time and like there's no point to it.

.... Not that anything I'm doing is better than wasting time. Or there was a point to saying more apparently. Sorry. I think it's time to go back to silence. When I'm not quiet, I kind of hate every word I put out.
balsamandash: (it's just the weight of the world)
I am gonna dance back eventually and do day 7 -- oh boy, do I have Plans for day 7 -- and probably 5 and 6 too, when I am not failing at sleep and two hours past my bedtime already, but in trying to return to being caught up and participating here, let me jump ahead now that there's one I don't have to do much for.

In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. Surf the comments and find people to give love to.

Like a lot of other people seem to be saying -- openly asking for love is hard and feels weird and kind of makes my brain flail. But that's probably part of the reason why it's good for people to do it. It shouldn't be a bad thing to want love. I am bad at remembering that when it comes to me and one of the first people to champion it to everyone else. So here I am, because it's at least a little easier to do it when it's because someone else has charged me to do it than to do it at random anyway.

In short:
Hey! I am behind and pretty lazy
But here is day eight, so love me maybe?
And we're all hypocrites, it's so silly
I'm gonna sleep now, but love me maybe?
balsamandash: (it's just the weight of the world)
Me on the love meme.

Also, this seems like an appropriate time to say that I really, deeply appreciate every comment anyone's left on my various flails and bad days. I don't entirely have the head to go back and respond to everyone, but I really do appreciate it.

(Still not doing great, but back on an even keel where I can more or less deal with it at my normal level of 'can keep up the face and handle life'. Taking the days off work helped. A lot. Sleeping until 1 am the past few days helped also, even if it was kind of dumb. I'm hoping I can do some writing in a bit, and that might help too.)

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The Marquis de All The Knives

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