i'm building a body where our design has failed

There's a love meme going on; I have a thread, if anyone wants to leave love.

I am trying to find my brain and do things. It is... not working very well. Brains want to go downhill, but I'm trying to keep afloat. There are many things to do this week, so we'll see how it works.

I will Tarot tomorrow. It's a weird night.

1. I am still alive; I am working away; content editing on my mother's book is underway tonight, and hopefully we're on the fast track to being done, me getting paid, and putting it out. I am at parents for the next couple of days, though, which is less than ideal, but, eh.

2. I have obviously not started OC-tober-ing. I still kind of want to ramble about something writing-related. We'll see what comes of that, if anything.

3. I am currently kind of hooked on Let's Plays, mostly of cooperative games. On the one hand, this is good background noise right now. On the other, damn does it bring back the desire to play a lot of games I can't do because I need people for them. I'm kind of hoping when I can get more into the swing of planning tabletop it takes away some of that feeling, because it makes my brain go kinda weird at times. (Not enough to stop though, so if you happen to have any LPer recs, drop them at me? I don't do horror games, end of story, but I'm pretty open beyond that.)

4. There is a love meme going:
October Love Meme hosted by alexseanchai: my thread
I could kind of use it right now, if anyone's got kind words to spare.

5. Aaand lastly, I am slowly but steadily setting up my phone, so if you happen to have my number - it's the same one, but I lost all my contacts, so if you can text me with who you are, I'd really appreciate it. If you didn't have my number, and you want it, poke me.

♥♥♥ U R AWESOME: A LOVE MEME ♥♥♥  // my thread

I did not actually realize how many usernames I was under now until I wrote that out. Been debating switching AIM & plurk over to either balsamandash or builttobalance but we'll see if I ever get around to it.

I am still not reading like I should. I am still just... tired. There's so many things I want to do. So many things I should do. But I'm so tired. Maybe when the current ear infection goes I'll be a little better, but I just don't know.

edit because apparently I have slightly more to say than that:
You know what I miss this week? Writing, tarot, and chat (especially IRC) RP.
You know what I can do about that in my current state of I-refuse-to-call-this-a-depression-episode-but-it's-probably-a-depression-episode? Absolutely goddamn nothing.

I do need to see if I can scrape finances together to get a proper tarot reading because I... kind of want one? And have nothing resembling the focus or brainpower to do one for myself? But I'm super broke right now and combine that with other stuff going on and I feel like it's not going to happen. Ugh. Which is fine, I don't need one, but it's annoying.

I also have no idea where any of my tarot decks are.

Also I cannot remember the last time I wrote and it's starting to make me feel sick. But every attempt just feels... stupid? Writing feels like a stupid endeavour. Like wasting time and like there's no point to it.

.... Not that anything I'm doing is better than wasting time. Or there was a point to saying more apparently. Sorry. I think it's time to go back to silence. When I'm not quiet, I kind of hate every word I put out.

Me on the love meme.

Also, this seems like an appropriate time to say that I really, deeply appreciate every comment anyone's left on my various flails and bad days. I don't entirely have the head to go back and respond to everyone, but I really do appreciate it.

(Still not doing great, but back on an even keel where I can more or less deal with it at my normal level of 'can keep up the face and handle life'. Taking the days off work helped. A lot. Sleeping until 1 am the past few days helped also, even if it was kind of dumb. I'm hoping I can do some writing in a bit, and that might help too.)