balsamandash: (Default)
I am:
> August, but occasionally seen answering to older/other names
> 27; genderqueer (they/them or it/its); generally queer (asexual and panromantic)
> Living in Florida; on EST and an ever-rotating sleep schedule
> Poly, kinky, and in a long-term relationship
> A second-generation Witch doing some long-term religious soul searching
> Depressed, anxious, autistic, possibly OCD, likely ADHD, generally suffering from massive executive dysfunction; dealing with chronic pain and other physical issues; fairly vocal about all of the above
> Making a go of self-employment (Tarot + freelance editing)
> A writer, an occasional beta, a highly inactive filker, learning to be a podficcer and a vidder, tentatively learning to draw/do digital art
> A massively multifannish thing
> Awful at commenting, slightly less awful at updating, usually reading
> Always open for being friended

I have writing/creativity, health, and spirituality filters if any of those interest you (and a work one that I am slightly more picky about who I put onto it).

AO3: [archiveofourown.org profile] apatternedfever
Original Writing Notes: [community profile] temperedwithfable
Tumblr: [tumblr.com profile] builttobalance
Twitter: [twitter.com profile] balsamandash
Email: darkofthestory@gmail.com

Transformative Works Policy )
balsamandash: River Tam (Firefly) laying on the ground and looking up (* our witch)
Hello new people! I've got a bit of an about-me post here, but I've done a couple friending memes and the revival comm without ever doing a more indepth intro thing, and there may be random things older people just never heard as well, so here is an intro thing. I am generally not great at talking about myself, so we're gonna do this in whatever bits and pieces come to me.

Fair warning: This got really long and rambly. Like, just shy of 1,400 words rambly.

I've been here before, I know where it goes )

And that is me, uh... out of the nutshell. Definitely not in a nutshell. But that's me, and I'm happy to answer any questions you might want to ask (whether from new people or old people) or discuss whatever, whether it's about stuff I said or totally random. Also, if you want to be on filters to see me ramble about creative stuff, health stuff, or spiritual stuff, there is a poll here to fill out.

And yeah, I think that's finally all I got. Open roads?
balsamandash: (news] when will you rise?)
I don't really have to say that 2016 wasn't a great year, do I? The world was a mess; physically and mentally, I've kind of been a mess in so many ways, and so many things fell by the wayside for longer than they should have. I wasn't very creative. I wasn't very good at keeping myself together.

But 2016 is also the year where I moved, the year where I left the job from hell, the year where a lot of things changed for the better. Last year felt like there was no growth whatsoever. This year was probably not as much growth as there could have been, or should have been, but on a purely personal level, I would not trade where I am now for where I was a year ago. I don't feel like I'm stuck, I don't feel like I'm balancing at the edge of a cliff, and I don't feel like I'm a terrifying free fall, either. I don't know how to describe where I am now, but it feels a lot more hopeful than I have in... a while.

This year, I'd love to say it's going to be full steam ahead and no holding myself back, but let's be honest - I'm not that person. Maybe I never will be. But I can try and let other people help me get out of my own way, and I can try and keep moving forward, even if I'm scared. I don't think I did too badly in 2016.

So here's to forward motion.

balsamandash: (Default)
I could try and say a lot of things about 2015, but all I can really say is it felt like someone hit the pause button in a lot of ways. Quite a bit happened around me, but nothing really feels like it happened to me. I didn't do anything. I didn't gain any momentum. I just crawled along end to end, misstepping all along the way.

I could also lay down a lot of expectations, hopes, and ideas for next year -- I really did consider making a whole list of resolutions for once -- but I think the only really important thing is this: I want, I hope, I need not to let fear stop me as much this year.

Because that's really where it all chokes up. There's a whole host of issues behind it, but it all comes out afraid. Fear of disappointing family. Fear of making myself look stupid. Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of making things worse. Fear of doing it wrong. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of putting myself out there. Fear of doing things in case someone turns around and says I don't deserve to. Fear of wanting things in case someone turns around and says I don't deserve to. Fear of setting boundaries in case someone turns around and says I don't deserve them. Fear of annoying people. Fear of making myself a nuisance.

I am afraid pretty much all the time, and I'm not hoping it goes away, I'm just hoping to learn to get past it a little better than I have in the past.

Happy new year. I'm lucky to have all of you, and I hope everyone's year gets better.
balsamandash: (i make them too or haven't you heard)


Here's wishing you the bluest sky
And hoping something better comes tomorrow
Hoping all the verses rhyme
And the very best of choruses to
Follow all the drudge and sadness
I know that better things are on the way
I know you've got a lot of good things happening up ahead
The past is gone it's all been said
So here's to what the future brings
I know tomorrow you'll find better things


Goodbye 2014. I'm more than ready to be done with you. Here's to better things in 2015.

(This year I will leave, before we're through the first six weeks. This year I will try to be a little braver. This year I will try and be a little less hard on myself and find things that make me happy. I could bog myself down with a lot of other things that I want and things that I should be, but that's what matters and I'm trying to tell myself that's okay.)

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balsamandash: (Default)
The Marquis de All The Knives

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