balsamandash: (book] words in the heart)
[personal profile] balsamandash
Day 2
In your own space, share a book/song/movie/tv show/fanwork/etc that changed your life. Something that impacted on your consciousness in a way that left its mark on your soul.

This was a hard one for me, weirdly enough.

I can think of a lot of things that made an impact on me, but most of them have a lot more to do with who I met through the fandom than it does the media itself. There are things that are important to me, but -- it still tends to be more about what it represents than the thing itself.

So instead of one thing, have a few, because each one of them kind of feels like it's doing it wrong in some way, because I am paranoid about doing all things wrong. I can probably elaborate on a lot of them, if anyone's curious.

  • The thing that has always meant something to me, and only means more and more as I get older: Practical Magic.
  • The thing that introduced me to fandom: Harry Potter.
  • The first time I felt like someone I could be was there in a story, instead of who I wanted to be: Circle of Three.
  • The thing that I'm almost afraid to go back to in case it doesn't hold up, because it meant too much to me at the time: Dead Poet's Society.
  • The thing that gave me a family and first gave me the words to describe both it and myself: Rent.
  • The thing that lodged itself in vulnerable places and made the wound worse while also somehow being cleansing: Feeling Electric.
  • The thing that made me feel less alone and more alone all at once: I Wrote This For You (actually, I thought of this late, or I may have just done this one. But I'm committed now dammit.)
  • The singers whose words make me want to change and dance and write, sometimes all at once: Dessa and S.J. Tucker

(Bonus round -- things that stick with me but aren't quite as defining: Greek Mythology is the first thing to make me play with other people's stories. Seanan McGuire got me reading again, and helps me put into words who I want to be. Her Story taught me that a video game story can stick with me the same way a movie can, and also has the dubious honor of being the first unhealthy media obsession I've had that's not music. Exam is pretty much my perfect movie and nothing quite holds up to its standard, even the things I love more; the Sanctuary episode Normandy is the same thing for TV. Firefly is built into me in a lot of ways I can't quite find words for.
And because what's bad can stick as well as what's good: The Shoebox Project was the first time I really felt like I was on another page from fandom entirely. Doctor Who was the one where I got that feeling from the people I usually consumed fandom with. Neil Gaiman has been the biggest fall from role model to disappointment. And I will never stop feeling let down that what I got from White Collar didn't hold up to what it was at the start and what I thought it could be.)
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The Marquis de All The Knives

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