balsamandash | the tourists come and stare at us, the sculptor's marble sends regards

Things have been not great mentally this month, and I feel like I've been fucked up physically all month, but I'm not actually sure if I'm imagining that and it's just started in the last week or so. That said, everything is awful and gross.

And about half of it, way more than half if it's just the physical stuff, is menstrual stuff. The birth control basically paused my period for like three days. Then it came back, and along with it came massive mood swings and irritation (at least, we think that's where it came from). Then I started cramping. And then I started the placebo week, and I am bleeding harder than I have in... I don't know, years, I think. The level of bleeding where I do not want to be away from a bathroom for more than ten minutes because I feel like I'm going to bleed on everything. I ended up staying extra time at my mother's because I didn't feel like I could stand the hour drive home, and I feel disgusting and gross constantly, and I can't shake the cramps for long no matter what I do. There are a couple of home-remedy-helps that have made the bleeding sink down to a slightly more manageable level, but it's still really heavy, and it's doing nothing for the pain.

I'm so, so ready for it to be over. I start the next pack of pills on Monday, but I'm not sure that's actually going to help. And I'm not sure if I can convince the clinic to give me different birth control til I've given it a couple of months to try and adjust to it. But god, I am so much worse on than I was off.

Anyway, besides that, Thanksgiving was not bad; we did things super lowkey, but there was delicious food, the boys and I played an interesting strategy game, and then my mother and I watched movies. Finally saw La La Land, which was... awkward and not very good but had some nice music even if I didn't really like the lead male's singing voice very much; and Fantastic Beasts, which I surprised myself entirely by loving and immediately diving into fic for. Dammit, Harry Potter, I guess I can never really leave you behind. (And then I had a minor breakdown and rewatched the Royal Tenenbaums, which are not necessarily connected except by a desire to watch things that hurt.)

I'm feeling kind of lonely and disconnected, and all I want to do is play games with people, which is... kind of impossible. Or play games myself, which is slightly doable, but my steam account disconnected and since I mostly played games off Bast's and my brother's accounts, I have lost basically every game I want to play right now. And that's about it; I spent most of today horizontal because of pain, and because pain made it that I didn't fall asleep til almost noon so I slept all day. I have no idea what I'm doing now, so far as sleeping, or going home, or what I'm doing if I'm awake all morning. What I want to do is either play games or watch movies that will probably get under my skin, but I'm trying to resist the second one.

Anyway. That's all I've got. I owe two (I think) people readings who I owe major, major apologies to, and I'm going to try and do that this week once I get home. There are a million other things I need to do, but they really have no bearing on anything. And I don't really have much else worth saying (not that... the rest of this really was or anything).

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

rootsofthestories

Psst, we can connect you with my Steam either now, if you're still awake, or when you get home again.

balsamandash

<3 You don't necessarily have to; I would have poked you but the main thing I want is one of G's games, and. yeah. we can do it sometime soon, but.

I may actually pick up some things off the Steam sale. On the one hand, spending money. On the other, there are quite a few I either have wanted for a while or found interesting for $3 or under. Including FTL, which is the main thing I really want to play, and it'd be nice to have it under my own account.