have it all, play the game, some recommend; I'm afraid it just may be time to give in

[balsamandash]

I thought I could... not actually write, because yeah fucking right, but I spent all night thinking about fic because otherwise I was going to spiral into massive breakdowns and I had thoughts on some things that I've been wanting to write forever and I thought maybe I could at least talk about them a little and get them down so that I don't lose them completely but apparently I can't even fucking do that.

And I know the only way to write is to force the words to happen but even trying to explain the things in my head makes them sound completely fucking stupid, and that's without trying to shove them into a story form and make them look nice.

I feel completely worthless and I just want to cry and sleep and I'm not allowed to do either of those yet and why do I keep fucking trying. Why do I have to keep thinking about it. I just want to stop, I don't think I can stop and I don't know how to stop because I can't stop thinking about it, but I want to be fucking done trying because nothing's ever going to come from it.

edit: ... and I realized I'd never actually done some stupid, tiny, not-even-actual-writing thing that I thought I had gotten down, and now I'm fucking crying. Fuck. I just want to go to bed.

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

-hugs-

[silveradept]

Tell me about what's inside. No need for form, just what's inside. Raw data.