the scene ends badly, as you might imagine, in a cavalcade of anger and fear

[balsamandash]

Things are really, really Not Okay, and I'm either going to disappear for a while or be around a lot just to try and not think, I don't know what way it's going to end yet. I've spent three days thinking about family, abuse, shades of grey, boundaries, safety, and when I needed a break from the bad heavy, it keeps swinging into religion and gods. Because what I need is more heavy stuff to think about. Even if I kind of understand why it's doing this.

My head's in a fucked-up place right now, I work tonight, and I don't know what to do with... anything. All I really want is to go hide under a bed, or alternatively, hide out somewhere isolated where I can belt until I stop feeling like I'm going to throw up and instead my throat hurts. I do not get either of those things right now.

Comments

[alexseanchai]

*hugs?*

[balsamandash]

*many, many hugs* (To make a long and probably triggery story short, it's been a really, really long weekend.)

[alexseanchai]

Yeah, I hear that.

[rootsofthestories]

I love you so, so much. If you need somewhere to be, you know the apartment is always here. For now. For later. For if you decide to say fuck it, leave your job and just come.

I don't know. I can't offer you anything else but I can promise that you will have a space here when you're ready

[princessofgeeks]

Take care of yourself; do what you need to do. There's always mental health hotlines if you need a break from the cycle of your own thoughts.

We are thinking of you.

[silveradept]

Oh, man, I know that cycle. It's awful, but we hope that you can at least achieve distraction from it - it's what I needed to be able to keep it from consuming me.