you wake up a stranger to yourself, and then you learn to live with her

[balsamandash]

♥♥♥ U R AWESOME: A LOVE MEME ♥♥♥  // my thread

I did not actually realize how many usernames I was under now until I wrote that out. Been debating switching AIM & plurk over to either balsamandash or builttobalance but we'll see if I ever get around to it.

I am still not reading like I should. I am still just... tired. There's so many things I want to do. So many things I should do. But I'm so tired. Maybe when the current ear infection goes I'll be a little better, but I just don't know.

edit because apparently I have slightly more to say than that:
You know what I miss this week? Writing, tarot, and chat (especially IRC) RP.
You know what I can do about that in my current state of I-refuse-to-call-this-a-depression-episode-but-it's-probably-a-depression-episode? Absolutely goddamn nothing.

I do need to see if I can scrape finances together to get a proper tarot reading because I... kind of want one? And have nothing resembling the focus or brainpower to do one for myself? But I'm super broke right now and combine that with other stuff going on and I feel like it's not going to happen. Ugh. Which is fine, I don't need one, but it's annoying.

I also have no idea where any of my tarot decks are.

Also I cannot remember the last time I wrote and it's starting to make me feel sick. But every attempt just feels... stupid? Writing feels like a stupid endeavour. Like wasting time and like there's no point to it.

.... Not that anything I'm doing is better than wasting time. Or there was a point to saying more apparently. Sorry. I think it's time to go back to silence. When I'm not quiet, I kind of hate every word I put out.

Comments

[rootsofthestories]

Your words are far from stupid but I understand brains. They are horrible things that consume good thoughts and spit out horrible ones sometimes.

Funny that you've been itching for tarot because I've been itching to dust off my deskx and do a thing. Or the faerie oracle. I've been kind of wanting to poke that too. I don't know. I just thought the timing was amusing.

I love you and I miss you and you're so, so wonderful. If you need anything, let me know and I can...something. I don't know.

[balsamandash]

My words are not very good, if nothing else. That's when they happen enough to even be judged. Which. They're really not anymore.

<333 Poking at tarot is good? I wholeheartedly support you going back to tarot, if you get in that mood. Have fun?

I love you too. And I'm fine. Just. Tired or something, I don't know. I'm fine. <3

[somethingmorethanfae]

I like your words? They make me happy and I'm excited to see them whenever you man manange to make them happen.

I need a place to poke them honestly. My desk is so cluttered right now. *sigh* I might amke that my mission today.