you wake up a stranger to yourself, and then you learn to live with her

[balsamandash]

♥♥♥ U R AWESOME: A LOVE MEME ♥♥♥  // my thread

I did not actually realize how many usernames I was under now until I wrote that out. Been debating switching AIM & plurk over to either balsamandash or builttobalance but we'll see if I ever get around to it.

I am still not reading like I should. I am still just... tired. There's so many things I want to do. So many things I should do. But I'm so tired. Maybe when the current ear infection goes I'll be a little better, but I just don't know.

edit because apparently I have slightly more to say than that:
You know what I miss this week? Writing, tarot, and chat (especially IRC) RP.
You know what I can do about that in my current state of I-refuse-to-call-this-a-depression-episode-but-it's-probably-a-depression-episode? Absolutely goddamn nothing.

I do need to see if I can scrape finances together to get a proper tarot reading because I... kind of want one? And have nothing resembling the focus or brainpower to do one for myself? But I'm super broke right now and combine that with other stuff going on and I feel like it's not going to happen. Ugh. Which is fine, I don't need one, but it's annoying.

I also have no idea where any of my tarot decks are.

Also I cannot remember the last time I wrote and it's starting to make me feel sick. But every attempt just feels... stupid? Writing feels like a stupid endeavour. Like wasting time and like there's no point to it.

.... Not that anything I'm doing is better than wasting time. Or there was a point to saying more apparently. Sorry. I think it's time to go back to silence. When I'm not quiet, I kind of hate every word I put out.

Comments

[somethingmorethanfae]

Oh honey. You don't have to but if you feel more comfortable doing so, that's fine.

[balsamandash]

I should do something for everybody.

This is assuming it even happens next week. I don't know if I have the brain and I sure as shit haven't managed to do what I need to be here to do yet this weekend, so. I don't even fucking know. I should probably drop that and everything else, so you know.

[somethingmorethanfae]

I am just going to leave you so, so much love. You are wonderful and amazing and there is just so, so much love.

If you need anything, let me know. I can call or talk on Plurk or here or...anything.

[balsamandash]

Love you too.

Don't worry about it. I'm fine.