you wake up a stranger to yourself, and then you learn to live with her

[balsamandash]

♥♥♥ U R AWESOME: A LOVE MEME ♥♥♥  // my thread

I did not actually realize how many usernames I was under now until I wrote that out. Been debating switching AIM & plurk over to either balsamandash or builttobalance but we'll see if I ever get around to it.

I am still not reading like I should. I am still just... tired. There's so many things I want to do. So many things I should do. But I'm so tired. Maybe when the current ear infection goes I'll be a little better, but I just don't know.

edit because apparently I have slightly more to say than that:
You know what I miss this week? Writing, tarot, and chat (especially IRC) RP.
You know what I can do about that in my current state of I-refuse-to-call-this-a-depression-episode-but-it's-probably-a-depression-episode? Absolutely goddamn nothing.

I do need to see if I can scrape finances together to get a proper tarot reading because I... kind of want one? And have nothing resembling the focus or brainpower to do one for myself? But I'm super broke right now and combine that with other stuff going on and I feel like it's not going to happen. Ugh. Which is fine, I don't need one, but it's annoying.

I also have no idea where any of my tarot decks are.

Also I cannot remember the last time I wrote and it's starting to make me feel sick. But every attempt just feels... stupid? Writing feels like a stupid endeavour. Like wasting time and like there's no point to it.

.... Not that anything I'm doing is better than wasting time. Or there was a point to saying more apparently. Sorry. I think it's time to go back to silence. When I'm not quiet, I kind of hate every word I put out.

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

Brains are like that sometimes. <3

Eh, if you want to chuck a couple bucks my way at some point, I wouldn't say no. But I do need the practice and you do need the help, so I'm not going to insist on it. What deck did you want?

[balsamandash]

Revelations sounds the most in line with what I'm looking for, I think.

<3 Thank you. So much. This is really wonderful of you.

[worlds_of_smoke]

No problem. <3

I'll bring it up with me. I'm sure I'll have plenty of down time to poke at the cards, since the hotel's 45 minutes away from Mom's place and I can pull cards and make notes in the car. ;) I'll drop it in your PM when it's done.