(no subject)

Distractions don't work, brain is broken. Tried sleep and it didn't do any good. I'm talking about it too much and I'm sorry. I want to write so bad it's a physical pain but I have no focus. I want people so bad my chest is aching but I don't know what to do with them. I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. I'm sorry I keep being useless. I'm sorry I can't just shut up and deal with my shit. I'm sick of me, I'm sure everyone else is too.

I have to remember how to drag myself out of bed and out of the house without the external motivation of "someone's going to come and talk to me and I'd have to explain why I'm not going" this week, and I'm not sure that's going to work. I just want to quit and I'm not allowed. I want everything to be done. I want to be far, far away from here and I want almost everything about my life to be different. And I'm not allowed to do it fast and I'm paralyzed with fear when I try to do it slowly.

I'm sorry.

Monthly Goals: February

January goals: I accomplished none of them. I was functionally useless all month, so that should come as no surprise. But.

February Goals
1. Talk to my mother about moving and continue taking steps towards moving afterwards.
2. Acquire either a chewing necklace or a spinning ring, see if that helps at all at work.
3. Collect numbers from people.
4. Finish reading Blood of Olympus.
5. For the love of god, write SOMETHING.

I should add much, much more to that list. But let's be honest, this list is probably going to get failed too, so why add more conditions for sucking.

I am very tired. And very sorry. And going to go try to shut up again.

blood on the sea, take me away, make nothing of me

( because I'm thinking too much and yelling at myself so much today and maybe I need to have it where I can see it, maybe that will help. depression; anxiety; physical pain; sensory problems; identity; all sorts of things. )

(no subject)

So I've been taking my antibiotics one pill, twice a day, for seven of the prescribed ten days.

Today I realized I was supposed to take TWO pills per dose.

I do not know what I do now. Take two for the next three days? Keep going til I finish them? Something else?

Any advice, anyone?